


With Your Crooked Heart

by schmulte



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A lot of different AUs, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Marauders, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27703891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schmulte/pseuds/schmulte
Summary: The story of James and Lily Potter throughout the universe, as told through W. H. Auden's famous poem, "As I walked Out One Evening." Set in different aus throughout space and time. Mentions of wolfstar.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Kudos: 14





	1. Godrick's Hollow, 1978

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original universe, canon compliant  
> As I walked out one evening,  
> Walking down Bristol street,  
> The crowds upon the pavement  
> Were fields of harvest wheat.  
> And now by the brimming river  
> I heard a lover sing  
> Under an arch of the railway  
> ‘Love has no ending.’

_As I walked out one evening,_

_Walking down Bristol street,_

_The crowds upon the pavement_

_Were fields of harvest wheat._

_And now by the brimming river_

_I heard a lover sing_

_Under an arch of the railway_

_‘Love has no ending.’_

Godrick’s Hollow, 1978

It’s mid-November, when James decides it’s time. It’s when the wind is beginning to blow cold and the leaves are turning the shade of Lily’s hair, that's when he makes the decision. It hits him unexpectedly, as these things always do. He’s sitting in the living room, her feet in his lap as she reads, when he makes the decision. The thing that strikes him is not the way that Lily’s eyes glow from the light of the fireplace, or the smile that lingers on her lips from moments earlier. No, it is the silence that strikes James.

The thing is, James Potter has never been comfortable with silence. There always needs to be something happening, some kind of noise going on, even in sleep. When they were at school, he had the sound of Sirius’s snores to fill the air. Now he uses a muggle sound machine that Lily gave him for Christmas last year. But as he’s sitting there, in the living room, next to Lily, he notices that there is no noise. It’s been silent for quite some time now, it just took him a moment to register it. James Potter is sitting in silence and he is comfortable because he has Lily there to fill a gap that no noise machine could. And that’s when he decides it’s time.

“Let’s go for a walk,” he says, when he’s noticed Lily’s just finished a chapter. She quirks an eyebrow up at him over the top of her book.

“Now?” she asks. “It’s freezing outside.”

“I don’t mind.”

Lily gives him that look, the look that says “I know you’re up to something” that James is all too familiar with. She shuts her book with a snap and folds her arms across her chest. “You hate the cold.”

"Just trust me.” is all James says as he stands and offers a hand. Lily takes a few more moments to fix him with that look before she gives in and takes his hand.

They are ready to go within minutes, and Lily was right, as she always is. It is freezing outside, and the cold nips at James’s nose and makes his hands go stiff, but he doesn’t care. He has made his decision, and can’t be bothered by anything now. Taking her hand in his, he pulls her over to the fountain in the center of the square. The water isn’t running, of course, due to the season, but is nevertheless a perfect spot.

A young man with a guitar is sitting on a bench nearby, and he begins to sing. James doesn’t know the song, but he pretends he does anyway, and leads Lily into a dance. She laughs, because James Potter is a _terrible_ dancer, but she follows his lead anyway. Her laugh is bright and tinkles like a thousand small bells, and her hands are warm in his as they dance. Someone nearby snaps a picture of them, and James thanks them for it, pocketing it for safe keeping. He’ll charm it to move later. Right now, he’ll dance one more dance and listen to the young man sing.

When the time feels right, James acts on his decision. He releases Lily’s hands and ignores the look she’s giving him. He knows she wants to say something badly, but he moves before she gets the chance. Her mouth is barely open when he gets down on one knee. She shuts her mouth and looks down at him.

“Lily Evans,” James begins, and he can see the tears in her eyes already. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met. Fiercely loyal and braver than I ever could be. You’re a true Gryffindor, and a marauder at heart.” She rolls her eyes at that, but he knows she doesn’t mean it.

“I know I don’t deserve you. I know that I’m just a slimy, arrogant, stinking, wretched, toerag.” Lily laughs through her tears. “But if you say yes... If you say yes, I promise right here, right now, that I will never stop trying to deserve you. I love you so much, Evans, and I vow to love you for the rest of my life. I don’t really have a ring right now, so I’ll just ask if that’s alright with you.” She nods at him and covers her mouth with one of her hands as James straightens his posture and clears his throat.

“Lillian Jane Evans. Will you marry me?”

Lily gives him a tearful “yes” and throws herself at him. James’s reflexes are quick, and he holds her in a tight hug and laughs. His face burns from the cold and he’s smiling so wide it hurts, and he doesn’t care one bit because Lily Evans is pressing kisses all over his face and saying “yes” over and over again. Saying “yes” to marrying _him._

They stay there like that, wrapped in each other’s arms in that perfect moment of bliss, for what feels like an eternity. They laugh and they kiss and exchange “I love you”s. And somewhere, over on one of the benches, the young man finishes his song.


	2. London, 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU, at Remus and Sirius's wedding  
> I’ll love you dear, I’ll love you  
> Till China and Africa meet,  
> And the river jumps over the mountain  
> And salmon sing in the street,  
> I’ll love you till the ocean  
> Is folded and hung up to dry  
> And the seven stars go squawking  
> Like geese about the sky.

_I’ll love you dear, I’ll love you_

_Till China and Africa meet,_

_And the river jumps over the mountain_

_And salmon sing in the street,_

_I’ll love you till the ocean_

_Is folded and hung up to dry_

_And the seven stars go squawking_

_Like geese about the sky._

London, 2019

“Are you nervous?” Lily asks as she adjusts James’s tie. Of course he is, but he’s not about to admit that now, not when he needs to be a rock for someone else. He flashes her a grin of false confidence, and it almost convinces her.

“Course not,” he replies casually.

Lily smiles at him and smooths the tie. Honestly, she doesn’t know what James would do without her. After all, he had been the one who made them late in the first place, and was the reason that they were rushing. He was the one who had never learned how to properly tie a tie. Some part of Lily finds this charming, though she’d never admit it out loud. No, that would go right to James’s head. She leans up and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek, careful not to leave any lipstick residue, as music begins to play.

“I believe that’s our cue,” James says as he offers his arm. “Shall we, miss maid of honor?” Lily loops her arm through his.

“We shall, mister best man.”

The two of them make their way down the aisle to the music and go their separate ways. James blows her a kiss from his side of the aisle, and though Lily rolls her eyes, she winks at him, and he has to suppress a laugh. The wedding is small, and James and Lily are the only one in either groom’s parties.

Remus walks down the aisle with his mother, and their guests “aww” when he gives her a kiss on the cheek as she leaves him at the altar. Sirius is walked down by Mrs. Potter, and it warms Lily’s heart to see it. Peter, who stands before them, looks uncharacteristically confident as he smiles and begins the ceremony.

“Friends,” he begins. “Family. Thank you for joining us on this special occasion, as we join Sirius and Remus together in matrimony.” He takes a small breath, and James sends him an encouraging look. “I met Remus and Sirius our first year at school together. We were eleven, and all idiots,” he pauses so the guests can laugh. “I can’t count how many detentions we earned. I remember once, when we were thirteen, and we were talking about soulmates. James, of course, immediately said Lily,” there’s another pause for laughter, and James and Lily make eye contact and smile at each other.

“But I’ll never forget how Sirius and Remus looked at each other. And they didn’t say anything, they just looked at each other. But I think they were thinking the same thing that we are now, as we observe this ceremony. They’re soulmates, Sirius and Remus are. They have been since we were eleven. And now, before I start crying, let’s get to the boring bit, shall we? Sirius, if you’ll repeat after me.” James gives Sirius an encouraging pat on the back.

“I, Sirius Orion Black,” Peter says. Sirius clears his throat.

“I, Sirius Orion Black,” he repeats.

“Take you, Remus John Lupin.”

“Take you, Remus John Lupin.”

“To be my lawfully wedded husband.”

“To be my lawfully wedded husband.”

“In sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, until death do us part.”

James looks over at Lily from across the aisle, and her heart flutters. He’s looking at her with a mushy, sentimental expression and she bites her lip to keep the smile from splitting her face wide open. He mouths an “I love you” to her and it’s almost too much for her poor heart to take.

“In sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, until death do us part.”

Peter moves on to Remus, who repeats the same vows, smiling all the while. When Peter pronounces them husband and husband, the crowd erupts. Remus and Sirius kiss, and Lily can just catch Remus saying “I love you, you madman.”

Lily steals a dance from Sirius as soon as she’s able to at the reception. James acts offended of course, that his best mate and his girl are dancing without him, but they both know he’s just being dramatic as usual. Lily loops her arms around Remus’s neck and he places his hands on her waist as she beams up at him.

“Christ, Evans, what happened to us?” he jokes. 

“We got old,” she sighs. “And married idiots.”

“You guys are so gross. Making goo-goo eyes at each other the whole ceremony, it’s disgusting really.”

“Oh just you wait, Black, you’ll be as disgusting soon.”

“Never. Ah, speak of the devil.”

Lily turns her head to see James coming towards them, smiling.

“May I steal my wife, Padfoot?”

“All yours, Prongs.”

Lily kisses Sirius on the cheek before taking James’s hand and joining him for a slow dance. He looks handsome in his best man suit, and he smells like cologne and champagne. She rests her head on his shoulder as they sway, and she feels is chin on top of her head.

“Reminds me of our first dance,” he muses. “aside from the fact that you aren’t stepping on my toes this time.” Lily gives him a scandalized look and playfully smacks his chest.

“Prat.”

“You love it.”

Lily can’t argue with that. She nuzzles into the crook of his shoulder and hums. He places a gentle hand on her back and rubs in smooth circles.

“You think Harry’s okay?” James plants a kiss to the top of her head.

“He’s fine, love. Probably happily napping away as we speak.”

“Mm. I love you, you know that?”

“Till China and Africa meet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the formatting! As always, your kudos and comments are appreciated


	3. Somewhere Over the Arctic Ocean, 1942

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain America: the First Avenger AU  
> The years shall run like rabbits  
> For in my arms I hold  
> The Flower of the Ages  
> And the first love of the world.  
> But all the clocks in the city  
> Began to whirr and chime;  
> O let not time deceive you,  
> You cannot conquer time.

_The years shall run like rabbits_

_For in my arms I hold_

_The Flower of the Ages_

_And the first love of the world._

_But all the clocks in the city_

_Began to whirr and chime;_

_O let not time deceive you,_

_You cannot conquer time._

Somewhere over the Arctic Ocean, 1942

James is not going to make it. He knows this. He knows that if he doesn’t crash this plane into the ocean that lots of innocent people are going to die. He knows that Sirius would tell him that he’s being an idiot, that he needs to get his ass of the plane right now. He’s not being stupid, James thinks. Sirius took all the stupid with him. 

He can hear Lily over the headset. She’s pleading with him, _begging_ him to do anything else, anything but this. She’s calling him names and he doesn’t blame her, how could he? She calls him foolish and he agrees. She spits venom at him, and he can hear the hurt in her voice because he _knows_ , he knows that behind all the malice that she loves him and that’s why she’s calling him a selfish dickhead right now.

“Please,” she begs him. “Please, you don’t have to do this. We have time, we can work it out.”  
James’s heart catches in his throat because he desperately wants that to be true. He wants to believe that they have time, that Remus will come up with a brilliant plan that fixes everything. But there’s just no time. The plane is going fast, and it’s heading straight for New York. And James Potter is the only one who can stop it.

“Right now I’m in the middle of nowhere. If I wait any longer, a lot of people are going to die.” He pauses for a moment, waits for her to respond, but she doesn’t. “Lily. This is my choice.”

He can hear her trying not to cry on the other end of the call. He wishes he could be there, to hold her, to tell her it’s going to be okay. He wishes he had one last chance to kiss her, to run his hands through her hair, to look into those beautiful green eyes and feel safe, the way only Lily could make him feel. Instead, all James can do is take her picture from his breast pocket and place it on the speedometer in front of him. He takes a moment to himself, just one, to look at her photo and take a deep breath, before he pushes the control wheel down.

“Evans?” he says. His voice cracks and he curses himself for it.

“I’m here, James.” She says in a watery voice.

“I’m gonna need a raincheck on that dance.” He hears Lily sniff and give a sad laugh, and he smiles to himself, because at least he gets to make Lily Evans laugh one more time before he dies.

“Next Saturday, at the Slug Club.”

“You got it.”

James can see the water coming closer, feel how cold the wind is blowing, even now. He remembers learning about the Titanic in school, how the water was so cold that it hurt and people froze in a matter of hours. He hopes it won’t be like that. He hopes no one will have to learn about James Potter in school, about how he died of freezing or drowning or whatever comes first.

“Eight o’clock on the dot,” Lily’s voice rings through the aircraft, drawing him back to reality. “And don’t you dare be late, James Potter.”

“You know, I still don’t know how to dance,” He jokes, because that’s the only thing that can keep him from thinking about those frozen bodies from the Titanic, floating in the water for hours and hours.

“I’ll show you how.” Her voice shakes. “Just be there.”

“We’ll have the band play something slow.” The water is closer and all James can think is oh God, oh God, I’m going to end up in a textbook just like the Titanic, oh God he hopes he drowns before he freezes. “I’d hate to step on your toes.”

“I love you, James.”

“I lo-“

And then the plane lands in the water.

New York City, 2011

James doesn’t like hospitals. He never has. He was a sick kid, and grew up on frequent trips. He especially doesn’t like this one. It’s bright and loud and the floors are too white and the machines beep too loudly. But mostly he doesn’t like this one because Lily is here.

She had been the first person he went to see after he woke up. It was funny, really, being told that you’ve been asleep for seventy years and your first thought is “maybe this girl I loved when I was nineteen is still alive.” But that’s just how James Potter is.

He’s seen her every week since he woke up. Every Sunday, at five o’clock on the dot, he’s there in her room with a handful of lilies and a book. He’ll sit there and read to her, all of her favorite stories from when she was young. Sometimes he’ll bring blankets, because the Lily he knows is always cold. Sometimes they’ll play cards, or she’ll try to get up from her bed to finally teach him how to dance. When she feels bad from the chemo though, he’ll just read.

He plays with her grandkids when they come to visit. They’re always excited to see him, an actual, real-life superhero, hanging out with their grandma. Her son, Harry, is kind and patient and always wants to hear stories of what his mother was like back in the day. He has her eyes.

“You should be proud of yourself,” he tells her one day, gesturing to a photo of the grandchildren and Harry. Lily strains herself to look over and smiles faintly. She look tired today.

“I have lived quite a life,” she says. “My only regret is that you didn’t get to live yours.”

James takes her hand, and she gently squeezes it. She looks sad, and Lily Evans should never be sad, he thinks.

“Don’t think like that, Evans,” he reassures her. “I have a whole other life ahead of me, and you’re gonna be a part of it. That’s all I ever wanted.”

“I’m old, James. I don’t know how much more chemo my body can take.”

“Hey, don’t talk like that-“

“Listen to me,” she commands. And he does, because she’s scary when she uses that voice, even now. “Promise me you won’t live in the past. You have the chance to start over, to live your life again.”

“I promise, Lily. But that doesn’t mean that I’m just gonna leave you behind. I’m with you until the end, Evans.”

And he is. He’s with her when she finally goes, peacefully, in her hospital bed. It isn’t violent, or painful. He is holding her hand and reading, and at first imagines that she simply fell asleep. He knows it’s not true, but he lets himself live in the fantasy, just for a moment. He calls Harry when he knows it’s time, and promises to keep in touch after the funeral. But he knows she’s right. He’ll move on because he promised. But for now he’ll grieve, because that’s all he can do right now will all his newfound time.


	4. Massachusetts, 1868

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little Women au
> 
> In the burrows of the Nightmare  
> Where Justice naked is,  
> Time watches from the shadow  
> And coughs when you would kiss.  
> In headaches and in worry  
> Vaguely life leaks away,  
> And Time will have his fancy  
> Tomorrow or today.

_In the burrows of the Nightmare_

_Where Justice naked is,_

_Time watches from the shadow_

_And coughs when you would kiss._

_In headaches and in worry_

_Vaguely life leaks away,_

_And Time will have his fancy_

_Tomorrow or today._

Massachusetts, 1868

“Petunia married, Sirius off to Europe, now that you’re a graduate, you’ll be off on a long holiday- I’m not good like Remus so I’m angry and restless.”

It’s a few days after Petunia’s wedding, on a beautiful fall day. They are walking through the woods as they always have, but something is off with James. Because she knows, Lily always knows, when something is wrong. It’s one of the things James loves about her. In fact, it’s one of the many, many things he loves about her. He loves her so much it hurts, and he knows he can’t hold it in any longer.

“You don’t have to stay here.”

“Why? Should we run off and join a pirate ship?”

James fixes her with a look and inhales, as if he’s about to talk. His face gives it all away, and Lily panics and shakes her head and begs.

“No, James- please don’t.”

“It’s no use, Evans; we’ve got to have it out…”

“No, no, we don’t.” And they really, really can’t, because Lily loves him and she’s scared, she’s scared of how he makes her feel. Someone needs to stay home and take care of her parents, and she knows she loves James but she’s scared of losing herself and so she begs him not to say what they’re both thinking.

“I’ve loved you ever since I’ve known you, Evans,” he’s coming towards her now with those stupid pleading eyes. “I couldn’t help it, and you’ve been so good to me- I’ve tried to show it but you won’t let me; now I’m going to make you hear and give me an answer because I can’t go on like this any longer.”

“I wanted to save you from this,” she pleads with him. “I thought you’d understand.” James is not listening to her and he is not moving away.

“I’ve worked hard to please you, and I gave up billiards and everything you didn’t like, and waited and never complained for I hoped you’d love me, though I’m not half good enough-“

“Yes you are, you’re a great deal too good for me, and I’m so grateful to you and so proud of you but I can’t, I can’t marry you.”

“Why not.” His face has hardened and it looks like he’s challenging her and she cannot stand it.

“It would be a disaster if we married, we’d be miserable! We both have such quick tempers-“

“If you loved me, Lily, I would be a perfect saint!”

He’s moving towards her still, quite determined, and Lily puts up her hands and presses them against his chest. She can feel his heart beating rapidly, and his chest is warm under her palms and the fabric of his waistcoat is soft.

“I can’t, James, I can’t.” There are tears in her eyes now. “You’ll find some lovely accomplished girl, who will adore you, and make a fine mistress for your fine house. I wouldn’t. I’m homely and awkward and odd and you’d be ashamed of me and we would quarrel- we can’t help it even now! I’d hate elegant society and you’d hate my scribbling and we would be unhappy and wish we hadn’t done it and everything will be horrid-“

Her words are cut off by James’s lips on hers. The kiss is hard and angry and James tastes like peppermint and sunflower seeds. He grips her waist tightly and her hands fly up to find purchase in that unruly hair of his. She tugs at it, right at the nape of his neck, and he growls against her mouth. He pushes her against a tree, and she knows she’ll go home with dirt on the back of her dress but she doesn’t care, because James Potter’s kiss is the most amazing thing Lily’s ever felt and that’s worth a little dirt. She slides her hands to cradle his jaw and her nails scratch at the stubble he’s grown since his last shave.

They only part because they both need to breathe, but they don’t come away from each other. James rests his forehead against hers as they gasp for air, and he takes the opportunity to count the freckles scattered across her nose. Her face is flushed and he takes pleasure in knowing he was the cause of that.

“Marry me,” he breathes, and places another kiss on her lips. “Marry me.”

“James-“ He scatters kisses down her jaw and nuzzles into the crook of her neck and Lily suddenly can’t remember what she was going to say.

“Marry me.”

“Tomorrow,” she manages, and she uses the hands on his jaw to bring his face back to hers and steals another kiss and it’s scorching and wonderful. “Ask me tomorrow, and I’ll say yes.”

“Marry me tomorrow.”

Lily laughs against his lips as he goes in for another kiss. She playfully shoves his shoulder and gives him an incredulous look.

“James.”

“I’m serious. I’m mad about you, Evans.” She leans up and gives him one last, fleeting kiss, and he whines way in the back of his throat.

“Tomorrow.” she promises.

"Tomorrow."

"


	5. Hogwarts, 1976

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hogwarts 1976
> 
> Into many a green valley
> 
> Drifts the appalling snow;
> 
> Time breaks the threaded dances
> 
> And the diver's brilliant bow.
> 
> O plunge your hands in water,
> 
> Plunge them in up to the wrist;
> 
> Stare, stare in the basin
> 
> And wonder what you've missed.

_Into many a green valley_

_Drifts the appalling snow;_

_Time breaks the threaded dances_

_And the diver's brilliant bow._

_O plunge your hands in water,_

_Plunge them in up to the wrist;_

_Stare, stare in the basin_

_And wonder what you've missed._

Hogwarts, 1976

Hogwarts is quiet beneath the blanket of snow. Time seems to stand still at the quiet castle- most students have gone home for the Christmas holiday, leaving free rein for those who decided to stay. Sirius Black has taken the advantage of this.

He is not welcome back home for Christmas- in fact, he's not welcome back home at all. Not that it bothers him. Really, he's grateful for it. James offered to let him stay over, as he always does, but Sirius is not feeling up to festivities this year. As much as he loves the Potters, seeing them fawn over James is not something Sirius thinks he'll want to experience. Not that he's jealous. And James, bloody perfect captain of the quidditch team James, was a gentleman, so he stayed at Hogwarts too so Sirius would have company. 

As much as he loves his best mate, Potter can be a bit much sometimes. So, early in the morning, before the sun is in the sky, Sirius crept out of the Gryffindor dormitory and went to the lake. It was the first place he could think of for some time to think.

No matter how much he hates his family, hates the stupid _noble house of Black_ bullshit, it hurts, being rejected by your family. He still has Andromeda, at least. The two black sheep of the family. They make quite the pair, really. 

Sirius is completely, one hundred percent, not crying when Lily approaches him. He definitely hasn't been sitting on the frozen lake, staring at his own reflection for an hour, contemplating his entire existence and purpose in life. And he's definitely not wiping his eyes when she sits next to him. They're just watering from the cold, that's all. 

"Beautiful morning, isn't it?" she asks. Sirius can't help but snort. Of course Lily Evans would find something to be happy about at the ass-crack of dawn in the cold. She's not even wearing a coat, he notices. It looks like she just threw a scarf on over her pyjamas. She's still wearing her slippers.

"Piss off, Evans, I'm not looking for a pep talk right now."

He doesn't mean to be rude to her, he doesn't. She just happens to be the person near him right now, and Sirius just needs a person to be rude to. 

"Who said I'm here for you, Black? I'm just here to watch the sunrise."

Sirius isn't convinced. But Lily stubbornly hugs her knees and looks ahead at the rising sun. It's as if she's trying to egg him on, really. 

"You'll catch a cold, coming out here without a coat." he comments. Lily finally turns to face him, that sly smile on her face. Sirius thinks he's been a bad influence on her. She never used to smile like that before they formed their unsteady friendship.

"Y'know, you're talking an awful lot for someone who said they don't want to talk."

"Didn't say I didn't want to talk," he grumbles, shivering. "Just didn't want a pep talk, that's all."

"I won't give you one then."

"Good."

They sit in silence. It's frustrating, really, to be sort-of friends with a girl as nosy as Lily Evans. Always poking her nose into your problems, trying to fix them. Really, what's she trying to accomplish here, besides freezing to death?

"Petunia write you back, then?" he asks, just for the sake of breaking the silence. He knows Lily has a complicated with her sister. Apparently, her boyfriend is a real piece of work, and is coming over to the Evans household for Christmas. Petunia had asked her sister not to come. She doesn't want Lily's strangeness around Vernon.

Lily looks down at her hands, and for the first time in her life, she mumbles. "She's marrying him."

Sirius doesn't know what to do, really. He's never seen Evans this...this small. This meek. It's almost enough to make him forget about his own troubles, for a moment. Maybe that's why he asked about Petunia in the first place. 

Gingerly, he places an arm around her shoulder. "Shit luck." It's all he can think of to say. It's not the right thing, but it makes her smile a little. Sirius decides he likes Lily's smile. 

"Thanks," she rubs her eyes with the sleeve of her pyjama top. "I'm sorry about your family."

"'S alright. Couldn't care less about them."

Lily hits him with that earnest look, that "I know you're full of shit" look, but it's kinder than usual. She rests her head on her friend's shoulder. 

"I know. It's going to be alright."

Stupid Evans. Stupid Evans, knowing exactly what he's feeling. Maybe that's why James fancies her. She's a mind reader, and she always knows how to make you feel better. 

Suddenly, without a word, Lily points her wand at her feet, then Sirius's, and says, clearly, with perfect articulation: " _glacium herba_."

Beautiful glass blades form on the bottom of their shoes and Lily pulls Sirius up to stand. He's a bit wobbly, but she expected this, and loops her arm through his for security.

"Merlin, Evans," Sirius gasps. "Where did you learn to do that? That's NEWT level stuff." She shrugs, humbly, but the smile is still there.

"Picked it up from Alice. Had to do her potions homework for a week, but it was worth it."

"You are full of surprises, Evans." 

Lily grins at him and pulls him out further on the lake. She would think a pampered pureblood like Sirius would know how to _skate_ at least. But Sirius is clinging to her tightly, and wobbles around on his skates like a baby doe that's just learned how to walk. Lily laughs and waves her wand over him, this time the spell is " _trutinor_." 

Ignoring his protesting, Lily lets go of Sirius's arm and skates a little ways away from him. After getting over the initial shock of being left by himself, the young Gryffindor's face splits into a grin. 

"Look at me! I'm skating, Evans!" The two of them are laughing together and skating, and Sirius thinks maybe, maybe it's going to be okay. Because the world can't be so bad with people like Lily Evans in it. Even if she is a nosy, annoying know-it-all. 

"Oi, Black!" a voice calls from the shore. "Trying to steal my girl, are you?"

Sirius's grin widens. James is waving at him from the shoreline, still in his ridiculous golden snitch pyjamas- he and Evans do make the perfect pair, both of them running out in their nighties. Idiots, both of them. Lily pushes on his arm in a teasing manner. 

"Go on. The incantation is _glacium herba_." 

"You're an angel, Evans, really." Sirius kisses her on the cheek- an act that sends James reeling- and skates off towards his friend. James immediately get him in a headlock and they're wrestling like they're eleven again. Lily skates a little further out, towards the middle of the lake and watches them. James peeks out from under Sirius's arm and yells:

"Evans! Stay out of the center, the ice is too thin!" 

"What?!" Lily calls. She can't make out a word James is saying. 

"Lily, the ice-"

James pushes Sirius off of him as a crack forms beneath Lily's feet. Sirius is paying attention now, too, and he looks worried. Sirius never looks worried. 

"Evans, get off the ice now!"

She takes a step forward, but it's too late. The crack widens until the ice beneath her is completely gone, and she falls into the lake. Sirius grabs James's arm tight.

"Fuck- she can't swim!"

James breaks from his friend's grip and bounds forward, ice skates be damned. He slips and slide along the lake, narrowly avoiding falling flat on his face, but his adrenaline is pumping and that's what's keeping him going. Lily is struggling, screaming, trying to keep the water from flooding her lungs. Her lips are already turning blue- damnit, why isn't she wearing a coat? 

She's fighting against the water and she's losing. Even if she could swim, the cold is killer, and she can't focus enough to reach for her wand. James slips, slides on his knees towards her. He plunges his hands in the water, yelping at the shock, and grabs her flailing arms and _pulls_. 

Sirius is beside him now- the balance spell wore off fast and it was a struggle to get across the lake. He grabs Lily's torso and helps James lift her out of the water, whispering to himself "shit shit shit" as he does. Evans isn't struggling- she's limp and her eyes are closed. It's then when James realizes he forgot his wand inside. He's always leaving his wand everywhere, can never remember to bring it when it really matters. 

He goes out on a limb. He's seen people do this, in muggle movies with Remus. He pinches Lily's nose and puts his mouth over hers. He tries a couple times and waits, waits, waits. Sirius rips off his coat and wraps it around her. 

It takes a few, painstaking seconds before Lily coughs, water sputtering out. Remus and James release a collective held breath as she opens her eyes. 

"Fucking hell, Evans," James breathes. "scared us for a moment there."

Lily, coughs, sits up, and gives a weak smile. 

"I'm surprised you're not celebrating, Potter."

"What? Why would I be celebrating?"

Sirius flashes a grin.

"That was yours and Evans' first kiss."

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading the first chapter! I am still working on "Pride and Prejudice and Wizards," I've just hit a bit of writer's block and needed some finals week stress relief. Comments and kudos are appreciated!


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